Building Life

I drove home last night from a delicious Thanksgiving dinner. On my way home I passed by Toys-R-US at about midnight. I was shocked to see a line made up of atleast 1500 individuals. The line sSanned the fronts of atleast six stores; each store front being atleast 30ft wide. As I drove by I wondered, "why are we so fixated on material goods in this society?" We place so much value on material goods.

In the grand scheme of things we should be placing the largest values on eachother. It's possible that we buy material goods to show the value we give to eachother. However, I believe it easy to get lost in the fantasy of material goods. Robberies, fights, lies, and heartaches result from the want of material items. We become convinced of our need* for certain items, when in reality we can get by with very little.

Using materials to define ourselves can lead to unproductive roads. We spend so much time, effort, and money on building our entertainment centers or closet wardrobes. What does this profit us? I beleive our focus has shifted in this generation. Rather than building a weatlh of goods we should be building wealth in character. In our day we buy expensive clothes that supposedly define us to others. Jeans may say, "I'm wealthy" or "I'm trendy" or even "I'm rebellious". Is this what we really want, our clothes defining us rather than our actions? It's time we got back to the basics in life.

I'm guilty of wanting to live comfortably in life. I won't lie, there are a lot of things I want. These things should however, not be the driving force of our motivation in life. Is it worth it to work hard your whole life to have your dream house or dream car? We die and that dream item stays. Yes, work hard for that home or car but let your relationships with others be your driving force behind your motivation. I believe now is the time to start building characters and strong relationships with eachother.

TIPS

To Insure Prompt Service also known as TIPS. We as a society go to restaurants all the time. We order drinks, entrees, and sometimes dessert. There is one more thing most restaurants offer that we order-- service. The difference between our meals and service, is sometimes we don't pay for the service. Maybe the service was poor, maybe we are cheap, maybe we weren't taught proper etiquette, or maybe we just don't care.

I've worked in the restaurant business for a few years. If you could see or experience some of things I've gone through; you would be shocked! To start, people must understand that servers only make $2.13-2.17 an hour. Our hourly wages pay for our taxes. This means our TIPS are 100% of our primary source of income. Often times servers must tip out bussers and bartenders from their tips, for the work they do. This can be up to 10-15% of a server's gross tips. So what does all this exactly mean? Well, say you go into a restaurant and spend $45 on a meal. You decide to tip 10% so around $4.50. The server does not receive $4.50 he will receive around $4 of that tip. In this scenario it doesn't seem to affect a server too much, but lets look at a different scenario. Say you go out with your family and spend $100 on a dinner. You decide not to tip the server for whatever reason. This translates into the server losing money for having served you. Because whether or not you tip a server they have to tip out bussers and bartenders on either their gross sales or gross tips. Now you can start to see why it is important to pay for what you order.

Some people have a false notion that they are entitled to the server doing whatever they want. Let us not forget that you are not above the server, you are in fact paying* for the luxery to have a server. Thus you must think in terms that you are paying the server to serve you. A server does not come with the meal, his/her service is not included in the price of the entrees you buy. You should pay the server for his/her services.

Now the question arises, "well how much am I supposed to TIP?". My father taught me to pay people well for the services they provide. In the long run it will yield greater benefits for you. Some people take the tax and double it, some feel 18% of total sale is adequate. My feelings are biased on the subject. Of course I want the largest tips possible, but I know that is not reasonable for everyone. However, I do beleive people should legitamatley pay for the service they receive. So I feel that I received A+ service or $20 service, I will pay that server that amount.

In the aggregate I believe it is important to be honest and pay people honestly for the services they provide. It is important to learn proper etiquette, otherwise karma can be a biotch.

Close Your Mind or Open Your Eyes

Ideals, morals, and beliefs haev changed drastically over the last few decades. Politics, fear, and loud voices have all played major parts in the change. I've noticed how desperately people want others to accept and believe the way they do. Often when people choose not to accept beliefs or ideals they are tagged as "closed minded" beings. This phrase is as common within idealistic arguments as cheeseburgers at McDonalds. I've been in or near these arguments several times within my life. The most common argument deals with marriage ... can it be between two men/women? Usually the argument starts with one side who believes in traditional marriage and one who believes in same-sex marriage. Both sides start by explaining their views and perspectives. In my last argument it ended by the poignant phrase, "you are close minded". My rebuttal is usually short; no. Over the last week I've thought about that small phrase that seems to paralyze people and causes people to walk on egg shells.

To me, closed minded people are those who refuse to even consider another person's views. They are those who out of fear or sheer ignorance close their eyes, minds, or ears. They lack any sort of consideration of the topic or person. In contrast an open minded person is one who considers other views and perspectives. They are those who ponder and search for their own views and feelings on the given subject. They are those who do not fear the possibility of change in views or simply being wrong on the subject.

I believe a lot of confusion comes when people tag open minded people as close minded people. Just because people don't believe or feel the way you do does not make them a close minded person. If that were the case everyone would have to believe everything. If a person does not accept your beliefs but have considered and thoughtfully pondered their position, they remain open minded. They opened their mind to your beliefs and chose not to accept them as their own. Open your mind don't close your eyes, open your eyes don't close your mind.

Biscuits for a Stranger

I was challenged this week to buy a coke for a stranger. My experience was not one I exactly planned for. I went to Macey's (the grocery store) to get some food for Sunday pot roast dinner. While I was in line I noticed a woman behind me with three items: brownies, chocolate chips, and biscuits. As I was purchasing my items I turned around and told the clerk that I would be purchasing hers too. The woman looked at me with the strangest look, probably wondering why in the world a stranger would buy her something. Her first reaction was to decline my offer three or four times, but I was very insistent. Her second reaction was to accept my offer but only hand me one item. She set the other two down claiming she did not need them anymore. I purchased the biscuits for her, she gave me a quick thanks and I was on my way. As I was walking out the door I glanced back and discovered her buying the other two items plus a pack of gum! I didn't know what to think when I saw that scene.

Prior to buying the drink I think I expected to be the person buying an item for a person standing on their last leg. You know those stories, the ones where people have to decide between food and bills and some stranger helps them. I somewhat expected this challenge to help me become that stranger. However, I was simply a stranger buying biscuits for another stranger. I'll never know the consequences of that action nor the impact it made. I do know that I felt great after the fact. For a moment in my busy life I was able to forget about my needs and help someone else. It was a defining moment.

Back to the Basics

I took three midterms last week. Each one was difficult in its own way. During my finance test I wanted to crumble the test up, throw my desk, and run out screaming franticly. Its funny how teachers will give you study guides and problems to work out, but won't test you on that material. It seems to me that study guides should coincide with test material...but hey I'm not a teacher. After one of my tests I started to think about the methods teachers use to "measure" their students comprehension levels. I do not believe tests are the most efficient and effective measuring tool. It is almost a lazy way for teachers to evaluate their students. In some circumstances I believe tests are appropriate but not in all situations. When children are younger they gain the majority of their knowledge in class from their teachers. When they reach advanced academic stages teachers start to rely on books to teach the students. Now, in college students are required to gain the majority of their knowledge outside* class. It is for this reason that teachers give tests to evaluate their student’s knowledge level. Whatever happened to teachers taking a more hands-on approach? Some classes are too large for professors to do so, and that is circumstance. However, some classes are small enough where teachers can take a more hands on approach; yet, they rely more on the books to teach their students. I believe it is time that teachers realize the potential impact they have on their students learning process. It is time they take a hands-on approach. It is time students gain the majority of their knowledge in class, rather than outside class. Teachers have the responsibility of shaping the rising generation--knowledge is power.

Walking with Words

It's amazing how words can change almost any event or encounter. I was a small party the other night and noticed a guy talking to a girl. It was interesting to see how the words each of them used, constantly created new paths. Each word was like a footstep. Essentially their conversation was like a walk together down unknown paths. Body language is like a road sign. It gives warnings, it cautions, and it shows the speed limit. This guy talking to this girl was oblivious to any sign and kept rambling on; walking farther and farther away from her.

In our lives I think it is important to learn how use right words that take us in the direction we want to go. I think it is important to heed road signs as we walk ... in other words watch out for body language as we talk we each other. Lately, I feel like I have two left feet that keep taking me in circles. I have no problem talking to people; I just can't seem to find the right words. Eventually I'm staring into a blank face or the side of a head. However, for one day I felt like I was walking in the right direction. It was great.

Different directions with eyes glazing over

12:28 PM
Why is it that when we walk down the sidewalk and see another human being we become somewhat anxious? I know not everyone has that problem but for the most part people have a difficult time interacting with strangers. We are all just people living our own lives. Yet, for some reason, we categorize each other into different segments of society. I'll admit sometimes I do not want to stop and talk to people. Other times I'll walk by people and they will look into a different direction or glaze over until they pass me. What is the source of this behavior and why do we do it? It is not something taught in our society nor by parents; however, people all over the world developed a difficulty interacting one with another. I'm not talking about butterflies or anxiety commonly related to talking with the opposite sex. I'm talking about everyday encounters with other humans that result in two people looking in opposite directions or two people's eyes glazing over as they pass each other. One cause may be a nervousness to interact with a stranger, but why are we nervous? There is no reason to feel anxiety or butterflies because we are all humans in the same family. Somewhere down the road we've got to realize this and start interacting with each other without fright.

Oh Child

Adults can be so childish sometimes. They literally act like they are ten sometimes. I work in a restaurant and come in contact with "kid-adults" on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong I think every adult should recognize and keep a child-like sense to them, but lose the immaturity ... please! The other day I served an older couple everything seemed normal until they started order (with a real sense of entitlement). I don't mind bending over backwards for people but sometimes, something’s, can't be done. This is when the tantrum begins. You know the one a child throws when you say no to them ... yah that one. Now, I don't want to blanket an entire age population but it does extend to a lot more adults than believed.

As I have seen this behavior I have had certain thoughts and questions surface. First thought: Just because a human age extraverted does not mean they age introverted. Sure, we've got Grandpa Jack's and Grandma Betty's all around the world bungee jumping off insane bridges; that's not what I mean. I'm talking about those adults who receive rules or restrictions and throw hissy fits. I'm talking about those adults who don't listen or don't look to see. The one's who think, "I'm an adult I don't answer to anyone ... behavioral learning is for children who don't know better"; false. You, yes you, still have a lot of behavioral learning left; we all do. Second thought which is more of a question: When does a child become an adult regardless of age? Is it when we move out, or when we get married, or when we turn 18? Of course, you're right, every person changes at their own time and pace, but how do we know? I mean, if every person naturally changed behaviorally into an adult why am I writing this blog? I'm writing this because some people don’t' change! Their switch doesn't flip, their bulb isn't screwed in, and they can't see. Third thought and plead: Become a child but "put away childish things". We do not need to take ourselves seriously all the time. We do need to remember what it is like being a child. Let us let go of our childish selves who won't allow us to change into an adult. Adult’s who grow up but stay child-like at heart.

Dark vs light

Walk into a dark room. At first visibility is limited and very foreign, but as time progresses eyes adjust, visibility is not as constrained, and foreign feelings leave. The point in which our eyes adjust to the darkness is difficult considering it is separated by a blink. I've observed this phenomenon take place in my life and the lives of people around me. I would identify the dark room as habits and character; our choices, the catalyst. What astounds me the most is the difficulty in identifying ourselves in the dark. Our perception changes in a blink. It isn't until we see some sort of light that we begin to recognize the darkness. In darkness we lose sight of ourselves. It covers us completely or in other words affects all aspects of our lives.
We have two kinds of choices: choices of light and choices of dark. Good choices are those that dissipate darkness. They are choices that allow us to see ourselves and give us clear perspectives. They are the choices that allow us to progress more rapidly because we see where we are going.

Music the "builder"

I've been writing a song for the guitar for the last few weeks. The chorus to the song has a somewhat negative connotation and overtone. In searching for validation for the song I sang it to the best pair of ears I know...my mom's. I'm not gonig to lie I expected her comments to be somewhere along the lines of, "it was amazing" or "I can't believe you wrote this it was so good" however that was not the case. She said one simple phrase that changed my songwriting forever, "your lyrics should build faith". At first I was taken back at the idea of my mother criticizing my lyrics but after my pride wore off I saw deeper into her words. Music is powerful. It has the power to change our feelings and thoughts in a mere heartbeat. Music has many uses but in relation to my mom's comments; it is a healer and comforter. Destroying peace is the last thing I want my music to do. In the end I learned writing music + playing for mom = success in everyway.